Good morning,
I thought of you again today and how much you mean to me and you're not even here yet. Know that grammie loves you very much.
Friday, September 26, 2014
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Baby Bellanceau
Dear baby Bellanceau,
Today my heart aches. I'm being selfish in my thinking because I know I'm never going to see you and that makes grammie very sad and hurt. I want to be there the day you're born and hear you breathe your first breath and I want to hold you and sing to you. I want you to know that grammie will always be there for you no matter what. I know you're growing big and strong waiting for your birthday day to come and I want to be there very badly. I am hoping things change and I can meet you but as things are now I don't forsee that happening. Just know that I love you with all my heart and soul and I cherish you more than you can imagine.
Love you forever,
Grammie
Friday, August 22, 2014
She must
Alone she stood, and alone she felt. She tried and she tried to hold back all the emotions that were welling up inside.
Fearing nothing yet fearful of herself. She stands tall in a world that she feels lost amoungst.
Fearing nothing yet fearful of herself. She stands tall in a world that she feels lost amoungst.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Thank you
Thank you for finally being honest
Thank you for finally reveling who you really are
Thank you for letting me know I was right to never trust you
Thank you for giving me a reason to feel proud of all the mistakes I made
Thank you for making me even stronger than I was before
Thank you for the words you used
Thank you for making me see I am doing the best I can
Thank you to those that believe I could
Thank you to those that understood
Thank you to those that stood by my side in my darkest moments
Thank you to those that lifted me up when others tried so hard to bring me down
Thank you to those who loved me through it all
Saturday, July 26, 2014
The Sadness
Never have I ever felt the need to drink myself into oblivion! I always sit and wonder why anyone would do such a thing to their bodies. It wasn't until it happened to me that I realized people sometimes can't control how they act and how they respond to situations while under the influence.. I remember that day with 100% clarity and at times i wish I could forget the horror of it all.
It started out like any other day, heading off to work on a Saturday morning early to beat the rush of traffic that I knew would soon ensue. I remember seeing the birds as they flew around and how beautiful the clouds looked that morning and the sun was just starting to rise over the horizon. I didn't see it coming but I felt it and I remember every detail from the moment it happened.
I had taken but a moment to look into my drivers side mirror as I was ever diligent. I should have been looking in my passenger side view mirror because that's where it came from. They were in my right side blind spot and I felt a sudden jerk of the car. I was then air born and my arms were waving around the car out of my control.The metal crunching was a horrific sound and the glass that was shattering was falling all around me and piercing my skin. The car rolled four times and with each roll I was more damaged than before. I told myself I was not going to pass out I was going to survive this no matter what.
The car came to a rest after what seemed like an eternity but in fact was mere seconds. I was conscious the entire time and my cell phone was just out of my reach and I did not dare take off my seat belt, I wasn't sure how badly I was or wasn't hurt at that point. I tried to reach my cell phone but it was no use, I hoped to hear voices soon of the person who had hit me so violently. All I heard were screeching tires and then silence for a few minutes. I would say I was alone there wondering if I would ever be found when my salvation came to me as rush hour began for the day. I must have landed in the middle of the lane because the voice I heard told me to not move, he said help was on the way and grabbed my hand and held it until fire and rescue arrived.
I was extricated from the vehicle and flown to a trauma center. The doctors were all amazed at the level of my consciousness. I was scared and nervous and no one would answer any of my questions. I remember the doctor telling me they were taking me to the O.R. and he would see me soon. The next thing I remember was waking up in recovery. I had a broken leg, three broken ribs I had been pierced by metal in my abdomen and I had lost a lot of blood on the scene of the accident.
I spent two weeks in the hospital trying to recover. I had many visitors and many of them were from the police station asking me for as many details as I could remember. I gave them all I could and they were diligently looking for the person who could have easily taken my life.
It was a week after the accident that the woman was found. She was a repeat D.U.I. offender and admitted that she had caused the accident but didn't want to go to jail because she had been drinking. She was taken into custody and she remains there now.
I am almost out of my cast and I am almost completely healed from surgery. What I will never be almost is afraid to live my life to the fullest. I will not let this get the best of me and I will not let one persons bad decisions affect how I live the rest of my life.
It started out like any other day, heading off to work on a Saturday morning early to beat the rush of traffic that I knew would soon ensue. I remember seeing the birds as they flew around and how beautiful the clouds looked that morning and the sun was just starting to rise over the horizon. I didn't see it coming but I felt it and I remember every detail from the moment it happened.
I had taken but a moment to look into my drivers side mirror as I was ever diligent. I should have been looking in my passenger side view mirror because that's where it came from. They were in my right side blind spot and I felt a sudden jerk of the car. I was then air born and my arms were waving around the car out of my control.The metal crunching was a horrific sound and the glass that was shattering was falling all around me and piercing my skin. The car rolled four times and with each roll I was more damaged than before. I told myself I was not going to pass out I was going to survive this no matter what.
The car came to a rest after what seemed like an eternity but in fact was mere seconds. I was conscious the entire time and my cell phone was just out of my reach and I did not dare take off my seat belt, I wasn't sure how badly I was or wasn't hurt at that point. I tried to reach my cell phone but it was no use, I hoped to hear voices soon of the person who had hit me so violently. All I heard were screeching tires and then silence for a few minutes. I would say I was alone there wondering if I would ever be found when my salvation came to me as rush hour began for the day. I must have landed in the middle of the lane because the voice I heard told me to not move, he said help was on the way and grabbed my hand and held it until fire and rescue arrived.
I was extricated from the vehicle and flown to a trauma center. The doctors were all amazed at the level of my consciousness. I was scared and nervous and no one would answer any of my questions. I remember the doctor telling me they were taking me to the O.R. and he would see me soon. The next thing I remember was waking up in recovery. I had a broken leg, three broken ribs I had been pierced by metal in my abdomen and I had lost a lot of blood on the scene of the accident.
I spent two weeks in the hospital trying to recover. I had many visitors and many of them were from the police station asking me for as many details as I could remember. I gave them all I could and they were diligently looking for the person who could have easily taken my life.
It was a week after the accident that the woman was found. She was a repeat D.U.I. offender and admitted that she had caused the accident but didn't want to go to jail because she had been drinking. She was taken into custody and she remains there now.
I am almost out of my cast and I am almost completely healed from surgery. What I will never be almost is afraid to live my life to the fullest. I will not let this get the best of me and I will not let one persons bad decisions affect how I live the rest of my life.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
A moment
It only takes a moment to make my day and another to take that all away.
It only takes a moment to put a smile on my face and in a moment it can be so easily erased.
It only takes a moment to send my heart all a flutter and in another break it with ease like it didn't matter.
It only takes a moment just one tiny second to make my head spin with dreams of things I never thought before and in a moment I can feel myself closing another door.
It only takes a moment to leave me breathless and in another struggling to find a reason to breathe.
It only takes a moment just one tiny moment.... just a moment.
Today
Today gets a little easier than yesterday and yesterday fades as nothing more than a memory.
Today you will do amazing things you never thought you could and yesterday remains a memory.
Today you get to start fresh and new as if yesterday had been a dream.
Today those struggles become a little less but tomorrow they may no longer exist.
Today you will rise above it all when no one says you can because you did it yesterday and you'll do it again tomorrow.
Today be your own best friend but tomorrow allow someone to lend you a hand.
Today you are wonderful just the way you are as you were yesterday and as you will be tomorrow.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Forgot to add the following...
I forgot to mention in my last post that I intend on writing short stories and poems and post them on here as much as I can, I welcome all comments and criticisms as well.
Starting new...
Thinking it's time I get used to being me and using my creative outlets more often that what I do. I know I should write here and post the positive things I am thinking and feeling and some of the not so positive things as well.
I am hoping to take those of you that do follow my blog on an emotional journey. Especially as I am writing my autobiography at the moment and I need all the advice I can get. I will try and upload a few pages at a time or maybe bits and pieces just as a teaser.
I am hoping to take those of you that do follow my blog on an emotional journey. Especially as I am writing my autobiography at the moment and I need all the advice I can get. I will try and upload a few pages at a time or maybe bits and pieces just as a teaser.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Happiness......
I can't say for sure that I love the new look of the blogs but I guess I will get used to it, especially for as often as I have to get here. Since my last post I have been diligently working to keep my grades up in school and I have changed my major. I have decided to be in the Human Services field and possibly get my Masters in Social Work?! It's an idea I am playing with all that has happened with the boys and I.
I made the Dean's list last semester and it looks like I should make it again this semester! I am extremely proud of myself for this, considering I am the only person who can be proud of me. I have deleted those that have made my life hard and I couldn't be happier! I smile more, laugh more and I feel better about the choices I make!
The boys father is still delusional! He doesn't bother to call, write, or send them messages via Facebook even though he has those capabilities. He tells anyone who will listen that I am keeping the kids from him. I do not. They can call him whenever they want to, they choose not to. He and his family have all been informed they have free access to the boys and none of them need to speak to me if they choose not to, yet none of them even try. I feel so bad for my children. They have only me and this is not how it should be. I was trying to be polite with their father until he was writing nasty things on my Facebook so I deleted him for my own sanity. I have tried so many times to just get along with him but he can't or won't try to get along with me. I just am at a point where it's up to my children to make their own choices.
On to bigger and better things......Have a great night!
I made the Dean's list last semester and it looks like I should make it again this semester! I am extremely proud of myself for this, considering I am the only person who can be proud of me. I have deleted those that have made my life hard and I couldn't be happier! I smile more, laugh more and I feel better about the choices I make!
The boys father is still delusional! He doesn't bother to call, write, or send them messages via Facebook even though he has those capabilities. He tells anyone who will listen that I am keeping the kids from him. I do not. They can call him whenever they want to, they choose not to. He and his family have all been informed they have free access to the boys and none of them need to speak to me if they choose not to, yet none of them even try. I feel so bad for my children. They have only me and this is not how it should be. I was trying to be polite with their father until he was writing nasty things on my Facebook so I deleted him for my own sanity. I have tried so many times to just get along with him but he can't or won't try to get along with me. I just am at a point where it's up to my children to make their own choices.
On to bigger and better things......Have a great night!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Just a few realizations
I realized something very important last night. You really can't trust everyone even if you want to and people who barely know you can be the people who judge you the harshest. I have never claimed to be perfect, never will claim I am. I have been wrong about many things in life many times and I know I will be wrong a lot more as I get older. All I can be is who I am and I put myself out here in cyberland as the person I am not who I want people to think I am. I do not want pity, nor do I want to be idolized. I am a simple mom who would love nothing more than to be happy with my kids for the rest of my life. Has my life been easy or hard? Well it's been a little of both but I am not about to let the bad things over rule the good things.
All I ask from people is this be honest with yourself and be honest with me. I have been trying to live by a simple principle that if I can't say something nice about someone than I won't say anything at all. I wish more people that I know personally would live by this rule. I wish that some people I deal with would get off their high horse and not cast stones at my glass house. Yes, I believe I live in a glass house because I am not perfect I make mistakes, I am 100% human and I do want to be judged but please judge me fairly.
I can be the best friend anyone asked for, do I think I am an enemy? No, because I don't, and won't be mean and nasty to anyone just to make myself feel better because someone may have said mean and hurtful things to me to make me feel bad. The old adage is true, 'sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me'. I don't have a thick skin and names do sometimes hurt but it's what I do with that hurt that makes me different than some. I don't externalize my hurt I internalize it, which isn't healthy either way you look at it but in my defense I am not out being rude, snide or condescending to anyone in the process.
All I want and all I wish for is to be happy, raise my sons the best I can, make great friendships and personal relationships and be the best person I can be even with all my faults. One thing I can guarantee to everyone I am joyed to know, I will NEVER claim I am perfect, nor am I close to being perfect. I know I can always improve on who I am and I hope that I can always do myself the justice of doing better and learn from my many mistakes. I promise to love unconditionally and live my life better than the day before.
Thank you for being in my life.
All I ask from people is this be honest with yourself and be honest with me. I have been trying to live by a simple principle that if I can't say something nice about someone than I won't say anything at all. I wish more people that I know personally would live by this rule. I wish that some people I deal with would get off their high horse and not cast stones at my glass house. Yes, I believe I live in a glass house because I am not perfect I make mistakes, I am 100% human and I do want to be judged but please judge me fairly.
I can be the best friend anyone asked for, do I think I am an enemy? No, because I don't, and won't be mean and nasty to anyone just to make myself feel better because someone may have said mean and hurtful things to me to make me feel bad. The old adage is true, 'sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me'. I don't have a thick skin and names do sometimes hurt but it's what I do with that hurt that makes me different than some. I don't externalize my hurt I internalize it, which isn't healthy either way you look at it but in my defense I am not out being rude, snide or condescending to anyone in the process.
All I want and all I wish for is to be happy, raise my sons the best I can, make great friendships and personal relationships and be the best person I can be even with all my faults. One thing I can guarantee to everyone I am joyed to know, I will NEVER claim I am perfect, nor am I close to being perfect. I know I can always improve on who I am and I hope that I can always do myself the justice of doing better and learn from my many mistakes. I promise to love unconditionally and live my life better than the day before.
Thank you for being in my life.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
New 2011 Calendars
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Taste of new kit
I am looking forward to any and all opinions from you.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Been awhile..........
Good morning to my followers,
Just wanted you to know I have been in a creative mood and will be finishing a new scrap kit very soon. This one is kinda special to me because i have been out of the loop for so long so I hope you all like it. I will be posting a couple previews before long.
Just wanted you to know I have been in a creative mood and will be finishing a new scrap kit very soon. This one is kinda special to me because i have been out of the loop for so long so I hope you all like it. I will be posting a couple previews before long.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
New kit creations
Sorry guys no freebies allowed with this kit maker. This is from Black Widows kit Meet Me Halfway found at www.kreativekreationskorner.com . Hope you love this kit as much as I do.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
New Freebie Layout
This is from a new kit by Helen K and can be found at www.kreativekreationskorner.com . I just loved using this kit. You can download this layout HERE . Remember all my creations are free to use. So have fun and enjoy.
hugs, Auds
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Some new creations from a new kit
If anyone is interested in the above layout please leave me a message here and I will upload it for you to be able to download for free.
hugs, Auds
New freebie layout
Ok ladies and gents I have joined a new CT group and this is from one of the scrap makers I am sure you have all heard of. This is a kit by Baby Cake Scraps called Christmas Blush and can be found in the Kreative Kreations Korner . The kit can be downloaded HERE .
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