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Registration number: SW2311

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Just a few realizations

I realized something very important last night. You really can't trust everyone even if you want to and people who barely know you can be the people who judge you the harshest. I have never claimed to be perfect, never will claim I am. I have been wrong about many things in life many times and I know I will be wrong a lot more as I get older. All I can be is who I am and I put myself out here in cyberland as the person I am not who I want people to think I am. I do not want pity, nor do I want to be idolized. I am a simple mom who would love nothing more than to be happy with my kids for the rest of my life. Has my life been easy or hard? Well it's been a little of both but I am not about to let the bad things over rule the good things. 

All I ask from people is this be honest with yourself and be honest with me. I have been trying to live by a simple principle that if I can't say something nice about someone than I won't say anything at all. I wish more people that I know personally would live by this rule. I wish that some people I deal with would get off their high horse and not cast stones at my glass house. Yes, I believe I live in a glass house because I am not perfect I make mistakes, I am 100% human and I do want to be judged but please judge me fairly.

I can be the best friend anyone asked for, do I think I am an enemy? No, because I don't, and won't be mean and nasty to anyone just to make myself feel better because someone may have said mean and hurtful things to me to make me feel bad. The old adage is true, 'sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me'. I don't have a thick skin and names do sometimes hurt but it's what I do with that hurt that makes me different than some. I don't externalize my hurt I internalize it, which isn't healthy either way you look at it but in my defense I am not out being rude, snide or condescending to anyone in the process. 

All I want and all I wish for is to be happy, raise my sons the best I can, make great friendships and personal relationships and be the best person I can be even with all my faults. One thing I can guarantee to everyone I am joyed to know, I will NEVER claim I am perfect, nor am I close to being perfect. I know I can always improve on who I am and I hope that I can always do myself the justice of doing better and learn from my many mistakes. I promise to love unconditionally and live my life better than the day before. 

Thank you for being in my life.