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Friday, September 26, 2014

Baby Bellanceau

Good morning,

I thought of you again today and how much you mean to me and you're not even here yet. Know that grammie loves you very much.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Baby Bellanceau

Dear baby Bellanceau,

Today my heart aches. I'm being selfish in my thinking because I know I'm never going to see you and that makes grammie very sad and hurt. I want to be there the day you're born and hear you breathe your first breath and I want to hold you and sing to you. I want you to know that grammie will always be there for you no matter what. I know you're growing big and strong waiting for your birthday day to come and I want to be there very badly. I am hoping things change and I can meet you but as things are now I don't forsee that happening. Just know that I love you with all my heart and soul and I cherish you more than you can imagine.

Love you forever,

Friday, August 22, 2014

She must

Alone she stood, and alone she felt. She tried and she tried to hold back all the emotions that were welling up inside.

Fearing nothing yet fearful of herself. She stands tall in a world that she feels lost amoungst.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Thank you

Thank you for finally being honest

Thank you for finally reveling who you really are

Thank you for letting me know I was right to never trust you

Thank you for giving me a reason to feel proud of all the mistakes I made

Thank you for making me even stronger than I was before

Thank you for the words you used

Thank you for making me see I am doing the best I can

Thank you to those that believe I could

Thank you to those that understood

Thank you to those that stood by my side in my darkest moments

Thank you to those that lifted me up when others tried so hard to bring me down

Thank you to those who loved me through it all

Saturday, July 26, 2014

The Sadness

Never have I ever felt the need to drink myself into oblivion! I always sit and wonder why anyone would do such a thing to their bodies. It wasn't until it happened to me that I realized people sometimes can't control how they act and how they respond to situations while under the influence.. I remember that day with 100% clarity and at times i wish I could forget the horror of it all. 

It started out like any other day, heading off to work on a Saturday morning early to beat the rush of traffic that I knew would soon ensue. I remember seeing the birds as they flew around and how beautiful the clouds looked that morning and the sun was just starting to rise over the horizon. I didn't see it coming but I felt it and I remember every detail from the moment it happened.

I had taken but a moment to look into my drivers side mirror as I was ever diligent. I should have been looking in my passenger side view mirror because that's where it came from. They were in my right side blind spot and I felt a sudden jerk of the car. I was then air born and my arms were waving around the car out of my control.The metal crunching was a horrific sound and the glass that was shattering was falling all around me and piercing my skin. The car rolled four times and with each roll I was more damaged than before. I told myself I was not going to pass out I was going to survive this no matter what. 

The car came to a rest after what seemed like an eternity but in fact was mere seconds. I was conscious the entire time and my cell phone was just out of my reach and I did not dare take off my seat belt, I wasn't sure how badly I was or wasn't hurt at that point. I tried to reach my cell phone but it was no use, I hoped to hear voices soon of the person who had hit me so violently. All I heard were screeching tires and then silence for a few minutes. I would say I was alone there wondering if I would ever be found when my salvation came to me as rush hour began for the day. I must have landed in the middle of the lane because the voice I heard told me to not move, he said help was on the way and grabbed my hand and held it until fire and rescue arrived. 

I was extricated from the vehicle and flown to a trauma center. The doctors were all amazed at the level of my consciousness. I was scared and nervous and no one would answer any of my questions. I remember the doctor telling me they were taking me to the O.R. and he would see me soon. The next thing I remember was waking up in recovery. I had a broken leg, three broken ribs I had been pierced by metal   in my abdomen and I had lost a lot of blood on the scene of the accident. 

I spent two weeks in the hospital trying to recover. I had many visitors and many of them were from the police station asking me for as many details as I could remember. I gave them all I could and they were diligently looking for the person who could have easily taken my life. 

It was a week after the accident that the woman was found. She was a repeat D.U.I. offender and admitted that she had caused the accident but didn't want to go to jail because she had been drinking. She was taken into custody and she remains there now. 

I am almost out of my cast and I am almost completely healed from surgery. What I will never be almost is afraid to live my life to the fullest. I will not let this get the best of me and I will not let one persons bad decisions affect how I live the rest of my life.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

A moment

It only takes a moment to make my day and another to take that all away.

It only takes a moment to put a smile on my face and in a moment it can be so easily erased.

It only takes a moment to send my heart all a flutter and in another break it with ease like it didn't matter.

It only takes a moment just one tiny second to make my head spin with dreams of things I never thought before and in a moment I can feel myself closing another door.

It only takes a moment to leave me breathless and in another struggling to find a reason to breathe.

It only takes a moment just one tiny moment.... just a moment.


Today gets a little easier than yesterday and yesterday fades as nothing more than a memory.

Today you will do amazing things you never thought you could and yesterday remains a memory.

Today you get to start fresh and new as if yesterday had been a dream.

Today those struggles become a little less but tomorrow they may no longer exist.

Today you will rise above it all when no one says you can because you did it yesterday and you'll do it again tomorrow.

Today be your own best friend but tomorrow allow someone to lend you a hand.
Today you are wonderful just the way you are as you were yesterday and as you will be tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Forgot to add the following...

I forgot to mention in my last post that I intend on writing short stories and poems and post them on here as much as I can, I welcome all comments and criticisms as well.  

Starting new...

Thinking it's time I get used to being me and using my creative outlets more often that what I do. I know I should write here and post the positive things I am thinking and feeling and some of the not so positive things as well.

I am hoping to take those of you that do follow my blog on an emotional journey. Especially as I am writing my autobiography at the moment and I need all the advice I can get. I will try and upload a few pages at a time or maybe bits and pieces just as a teaser.